Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have aggressive nipples.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
