Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
