I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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