Betty ford says i'm here all night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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