OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this beer tastes like vomit already
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
