Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
