Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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