Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
