Sponge bath it is.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
