The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I will be naked everywhere
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
