You're my little dorito
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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