I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
