Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
