Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
