New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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