Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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