Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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