Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
