her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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