Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
