Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
