I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I want to fling myself into the sun
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
