I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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