let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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