benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
