She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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