I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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