Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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