just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
