The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
