if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
