y did u give ur computer a hand job?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
