nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
