So drunk its hurt
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
