hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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