i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
false alarm. still invincible.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
