thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
