He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
