you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
