Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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