my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
