omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
