remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
