So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
