i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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