why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
