so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
