OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
