when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
