Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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